Letter #26 - August 20, 2012

Okay, so my eighth transfer cycle (six weeks) is over with. I've been on a mission for 51 weeks! The one year panic has struck me. Have I read enough of the New Testament or the Doctrine and Covenants? Have I accomplished the goals I wanted to? I'm still not very good at studying, can I improve that in a year? I have all these unanswered questions.

 

I'm staying in Grand Rapids (Grand Valley area) with Elder Masters again, for at least six more weeks. Pretty excited about all of it. We've been having a lot of fun. Last week was probably the most tiring, exhausting week of my mission and I loved it. We went out and doorknocked a ton. It was great though. So, we got rejected 150 times and we got one return appointment. That's like, the worst average ever. It's like Shaq shooting free throws, or Chone Figgins batting average. Does he still play? That dude sucks. How are the Mariners doing? I heard Dwight Howard went to the Lakers. Ray Allen is on the Heat. What is with these super teams? It's ruining the sport.Only one more college football and NFL season of being out of the loop. I'm glad. I miss it so much. Are the Seahawks going to be good? No. I can answer that right now. Maybe the Lions will. I claim rights to all Michigan teams now, except UofM. Our mission is MSU fans.

 

I got in a huge bible bash/fight with this guy the other day. I'm not proud of what I did. But, it was funny. I felt bad a little bit afterward, just because it turned into me not really caring if he wanted to accept it, and more into making him know that I'm right. When someone starts to bag on Joseph Smith, I get a little offended. Usually people believe the same as us as to Christ's life, so I don't get mad about that.

 

My feet have blisters on them. My shoes have become completely flat. But, my white shirts are still looking good. We ate Taco Bell 23 times last transfer. Five weeks. That's a huge average. It was crazy. So, we're not going to eat Taco Bell this transfer. I'm assuming that will end around noon today. A new transfer, new goals and stuff. I'm excited.

 

Anyways, this next year should be pretty good. I hope everybody decides to be Mormon when I come home.

 

Love,

Big Damon.O

Letter #25 - July 30th, 2012

Alright, I got some new stories for whoever will read this (thanks mom). Okay, so this week I found out that I'll be staying in Grand Rapids for the entire transfer, luckily, and that's only three more weeks, unfortunately. Hopefully I can stay more. I'm really really enjoying my time here. But we take the bus a lot, as I have previously stated. So here are my bus stories for the week...

A jewish guy came up to me, he was wearing a red coat which he heavily emphasized to me, and he started going off about being from the tribe of Levi. So, he has rights to the priesthood that I just don't have (he doesn't know that, nor did he say that). Anyways, he wears a red coat so that God will recognize him as a servant when the Messiah comes (he missed that boat). He asked if I could help him get back to Jerusalem and I just said, "No, I have no money. I'm poor. Maybe you could get a job or something..."

I met a drifter this week. A big ol' chubby guy. He had a backpack and a sleeping bag. He started telling me about all the drugs he's done, all the girls he has slept with, and all the places he's been. Now, I'm no private investigator, but I think he was lying. Anyways, he is just telling me all this stuff. (Small background, Elder Masters walks away when crazy people walk up to us so I have to deal with them. It's pretty funny.) It's entertaining, I'll give him that, but it's still annoying. So he gets away and I'm glad. Then, a day later, we went to the bathroom in the bus station (scary) and we heard creaking out through a stall, "They sure got you workin' hard... Good morning Elders." Elder Masters looked at me with shock and mouths the words "the drifter!" Elder Masters washes his hands really fast and backs out. Then, the drifter says, "Ughh I ate some bad eggs." I just said, "Oh, I know how that goes." For the record, I most definitely DO NOT know how that goes. I walk away, never to see him again.

On to some Elder Chlarson and Elder Masters stories. Background: Elder Masters hates fish. I hate meatloaf and green beans, the kind out of the can. We go to a dinner appointment and guess what we have? Meatloaf! I just eat it and take seconds because I'm nice (yeah, that's right mom, I eat food I don't like out here because I'm polite). When they say we're having meatloaf Elder Masters grins and grabs my leg and says, "Oh Elder Chlarson loves meatloaf." So now I always hope we eat fish, he hopes it's green beans or meatloaf. Fast forward to Wednesday. We go over to a lady's house and she has made us roast beef, mashed potatoes, corn and ... wait for it... green beans! I dish up my own plate and sit down(it's buffet style) and my plate remains green bean-less. Elder Masters sneaks up behind and says, "Elder Chlarson, you forgot green beans" and he dishes up a big old spoonful. I just say, "Oh, thanks Elder Masters." Then He tells the member, "Oh green beans are Elder Chlarson's favorite. He didn't take very many because he wanted to let everybody else have some, so he could just take the rest." I just say, "Oh of course, you found me out." Then, we both finish. He goes and gets seconds. Then, he grabs my plate, "I'll get yours Elder Chlarson." The member says, "Oh it's great to see companionships that get along and help eachother, and knows what the other one likes." I just say, "Oh yeah, isn't it great?" Then I turn around and, with the meanest look on my face, mouth "NO GREEN BEANS!" He just smiles and nods his head. He gave me another spoonful. They didn't kill me, but it was still funny.

So, last story. It rained so hard on Friday. We were on foot and the bus. We had no rain jackets, I left mine in my area I had for a day. It starts raining bad and we have one umbrella. So we use it and half of our bodies were wet. We tried to preserve ourselves as best we could. The bus is late. So we are standing downtown in the rain at the bus stop and cars are driving by, people are laughing. Even I'm laughing, things sucked so bad it was funny to me. Then a car, a maroon Chevrolet Trailblazer drove by and splashed us with a big puddle. LIKE IT WAS A MOVIE. I was so furious, it was hilarious.

So, that's my life.

Damon, out.

Letter # 24 - July, 23, 2012

Alright, I know I just updated but this has been a good week. I'm staying in Grand Rapids still for at least this week. My mission president said I'll probably be staying here unless he prays and feels otherwise. Things are going good here so he wants to keep it how it is. I'm glad. Grand Rapids has so much going on.

 

 

So, we have to take the bus. I was on it the other day and we were riding back to our apartment. We went to the back and sat down. I sat across from this black dude with dreads pulled back into a pony tail. He was eating a sucker. He was possibly intoxicated. Actually, he was intoxicated. On the Grand Rapids bus you aren't supposed to swear. So when we sit down he sees me and says, "ohh man, boy you in the wrong section" and I was just like "oh, why's that?" And he just said we were different people. He starts going off about something. He says he doesn't need church to be close to God. (Note: He's being nice and playful, but he's being an idiot so I sort of start to antagonize him) He says to me, "Dude, you gotta girlfriend?" I said no. He looked at my companion and asked, "What about you?" And he said no. Then he kind of chuckles and says, "Look bro, if I didn't see yo badge, I would have thought... that... well.. You know..." and I said, "Gay?" He said, "Exactly! Yes, thank you. Now I don't have to say it." I just said, "How many gay people have you ever met that dress identically the same?" And he says, "Well you know you ain't got no girls or nothin'" and I explained our situation. He said, "Still though, god don't hate me because I have sex." So, at this point, I should have abandoned the conversation. But I don't. He swears and the bus driver gets on the intercom and tells him to stop. Then, after he's a jerk about us being missionaries, I just say, "What exactly do you do with your life? What is your purpose?" He chuckles and says, you don't want to know. I said, "Booze, weed, and women? Real original." And he goes off about his kids and his baby mama. He swears again and he gets kicked off the bus. He gives me this look like, "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" And I get scared. Hopefully I don't run into that guy...

 

We are having some good times. Door knocking in the 'hood is sweet. You meet some interesting people. I've gained some weight this transfer, we eat Taco Bell all the time.

 

So yeah, that's my life. I'll probably update it more that cool stuff is happening.

Letter #23 - July 16, 2012

Well, right after I got settled in Marshall, a new missionary in the MTC got sick and had to stay there for a couple weeks. I got a call Wednesday at 10:40 pm that said, "Hey Elder, A missionary got sick in the MTC and won't be making it out here for a while. Elder Masters in Grand Rapids. Be ready at 7 tomorrow morning." So, I packed all my stuff up again and got up and drove to Lansing. There I met Elder Masters and we took off to Grand Rapids. Elder Masters and I were reallly close in the MTC and got along great. We wanted to serve together so bad and we finally have the chance. They said it's just for a couple weeks or so, but we're trying to make it go longer. It's just awesome here.

Grand Rapids is the biggest city in our mission and it's about the size of Spokane, but a little bigger metropolitan area. It's pretty sweet. There is a ton of people here and the ward is really cool. I've got a couple stories for everybody. So...

I was on the bus, which I was very afraid of at first. We went on it and we were the only white people on the bus. I wasn't scared. I was scared of the bus for some reason. I was afraid someone would throw up on me I guess, I don't know. I've watched too many movies. I just think of this scene in "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" where Dee is on the bus and gets thrown up on. Anyways.

We ride the bus to central station and there are people everywhere and it's crazy. There's a guy that comes up to us and starts speaking spanish. I can't understand any of it. HE has a heavy Dominican dialect. It was crazy. So this 13 year old kid translated for us. We hooked him up with the Spanish misionaries. It was cool. The little kid tried to get money. He talked to us for like three minutes. Cheap kid.

When we go to get back on the bus, our bus driver decides to take a break. This guy freaks out! He has a disabled wife and she had to get off while he went to the bathroom. It was crazy. So the guy is swearing and going nuts. Then we get back on. This Hispanic couple tries to get on the bus and their two and one year old boys don't have shirts on. The bus driver makes them get off the bus. This random girl gives the boys extra shirts she happened to have. The big guy freaks again and gets up in the drivers face and like grabs and pushes him by the collar and gets thrown off.

Things got crazy. I loved it. There are so many crazy people. There's so much to do that it's pretty fun. I don't have time or energy to think much about home. It's pretty sweet. You can always send me letters at...

Elder Damon Chlarson 1400 Abbot Road Ste. #310 East Lansing, MI 48823

Letter #22 - July 9, 2012

Well, I'm moving on again. I'm going to the area directly north of my first area. I'm going to Marshall, MI. It's a nice little town. It's right next to the cereal city, Battle Creek, and if there's one thing about Damon Chlarson, it's that he loves the crap out of cereal. So, that obsession should only grow. I've been to Marshall a bunch for trade-offs back in my Coldwater days. I'll be in a trio with two sweet missionaries. One of them is going home at the end of the transfer so I'll try not to think about home too much.

Now, all three of my areas touch. So, I'll be a year at the end of this coming transfer and I'll have three areas. I'm excited to see where the next area is, it might be far away, but maybe not. I don't really know what else to say.

It was 113 degrees with the humidity one day. It was in the 100s a few days. It was bad. The temperature was at 95 with barely any humidity and I was like "wow, it's a nice day. What is it, 85 or something?" (Yes, I'm actually talking about the weather). I'm stoked for the coming weeks and months.

Stay sweet,
Damon.

Letter #21 - July 2, 2012

Okay, so it's been a while since I've written, I think. So I'm going to update some stories.   Okay, so there was this drunk dude that was sleeping some bushes. He's really really scrawny and wearing no shirt. He's wearing cut off jean shorts, some of those old grandpa shoes that Brandon Dejardins(I miss that dude so much by the way) used to wear in that ironic way he does things. Somebody should tell him to write me. Anyways he yells "hey, help me up." I should've known this was a bad idea. So, I help him up and he's so extremely wasted. Like, so drunk it's crazy. He starts telling me about how he's homeless, an alcoholic, just got fired, and his wife left him (I wonder why).   He says he wants some help from us. I think it's because we're missionaries. But we're not like Salvation army missionaries or some non-denominational dudes who go to South Africa and build schools or whatever. I'm just trying to teach and find, you know? He doesn't understand that I have no place for him to stay. I know there's a homeless shelter in Jackson, MI. So he says that he has a place to stay, but he also doesn't have a place to stay. I'm so confused. They don't prepare you for this monkey business in the MTC.   He starts saying how he doesn't like my companion, for some reason. He looks shell-shocked like they didn't have homeless people or drunk people in Riverton, UT. At this point, I'm pretty much unfazed for some reason or another; I'm starting to think it's funny. So, starts saying how he used to rob people all the time. He kept jumping at me, and pretending that he was going to hit me and rob me. Then, I'm pretty sure he was trying to. So I just sort of push him away and step back. He keeps saying how he's going to "F me up and rob me" but with more randomly placed profanity. It was awesome. He pretty much insults me and says a curse word that starts with "F" and says you afterward. So I walk away. He's like "Hey, where are you going?" I said "You were mean to me and I was trying to help." He starts chasing after me, then he stops and turns back.   I played like, prison style basketball on an 11 foot hoop. What's happening to my life? I've actually been playing lots of random pickup games in my proselyting clothes. It's pretty funny. Not sure if I'm supposed to, but I doubt that God is too mad at me for it.   It was 106 degrees the other day. I was not happy. My black pants were not happy. I felt like my forehead was a solar panel but instead of giving me energy I nearly collapsed. I usually hate drinking water because it's gross, but I've been drinking more of it.   I have nothing exciting to say. Anyways, thanks for the letters everybody. It reminds me of a song by the Wonder Years, "I don't know why I'm here, but I know who my friends are." Transfer calls are on Friday. President Hess made a hint that I'll be leaving Jonesville. So, we'll see. Hold on, summer. I'll be back next year.   Damon, out.

Letter #20 - June 4, 2012

Hello, I don't know what to say. I'm not sure the last time I wrote or anything. It probably couldn't have been that long ago. I'm here in Hillsdale, Michigan still. I've been here like three months ish. I'm nine months out in the field now which is crazy. Never thought I'd be this old. It's really not too crazy though I guess.   I have a new companion. We just finished our first week together. Things are going good. I really don't know what else to say. These things are boring for anybody to read. I realized how much i miss sleep this week. I have nothing to really say, you know? This is pointless.   I'll save up sometime for some good stories.