Obviously at the end of any journey, you spend a lot of time reflecting. I'm naturally a very introspective (self-consumed) person anyway, so I've been relishing in the past for the past few weeks. From Coldwater to Ludington.
It honestly feels like it wasn't too long ago I was waking up August 30th, 2011 and thinking, "What am I about to do?" I had no idea what to expect. I thought about all the events leading up to the missionary training center. I thought about the plane ride to Michigan. I thought about getting my trainer. My first area. I'll never forget riding bikes in Coldwater, singing Killers' songs to myself as I pretended to be somewhere else, doing something else.
But, I did it. I'm almost an inch taller. I'm coming home the same weight. My hairline is a bit more receded though, and my skin isn't nearly as nice, and I'm pretty exhausted. I just want to sleep in my own bed. But, I did it. After all the door knocking, the snow, the no-show appointments, days with no mail, self-doubt, lonely late nights, people not returning our calls, and constant asking myself "What am I even doing?" But, I did it.
Now, I'm not sure what people are expecting. I'm probably just psyching myself out, but I hope nobody expects a general authority. I'm not mature at all. I'm probably more child-like than when I left. Why? Because now, the pretenses of being sophisticated, wise, and grown-up are gone. Those were just acts. The cynicism and sarcasm aren't nearly as strong. I actually enjoy people now. But I assure the world, I haven't changed a bit. I've improved, I have grown, but if anything, I've stripped a lot of the artificiality out of myself, and I'm myself. I think. I'm trying not to worry about it.
I thank God that I have done what I did. Granted, were it not for Him, and a power greater than I possess, I would have had no chance. Missions are two years for a reason. If I had a choice to go again, I would. Maybe not right now. But, I wouldn't change it. I'm glad things have ended the way they have. I now know that God truly has a plan and he is in the details of our lives. I'm so grateful for this experience and I exhort (yes, exhort. I've been reading too many scriptures) every young man to serve.
But now as George Bluth says, "It's time for me to mosey on." I will soon be home with my biological family. But I will never forget all the family I have accumulated in this little Mitten state.
"And it came to pass that we did pitch our tents by the seashore; and notwithstanding we had suffered many afflictions and much difficulty, yea, even so much that we cannot write them all, we were exceedingly rejoiced when we came to the seashore..." (1 Nephi 17:6).
It's time for me to get to the seashore.
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