Letter #40 - May 13, 2013

This is an essay I wrote last night when I could not sleep, entitled "By Faith Rather Than by Sight." Enjoy. It may be a bit long.

 

Earthly probations require us to be separated from our Father. We are natives of a noble, exalted sphere where we experienced the warmth of God's presence filling out spirits. Consequently, man is innately spiritual. However, in our mortal state we are carnal and put off the spiritual man inside. We desire tangible proof instead of faith. But, that is not to be so.

 

I met a man who lost his belief in God due to doubts and, as I have perceived, prayers unanswered and signals and signs not receieved or recognized. He brought our entire conversation back to philosophical ideas which, when simplified, made me look foolish and childish in my faith, as if I was grasping at straws in vain. It eventually boiled down to him, in less words, saying "Well, if it makes you feel good..."

 

This troubled me all day. You cannot convey gospel blessings, messages, and truth without using the terminology "I feel" or "intuitively, I know." These communications which, as they say, apply to our pathos only are meaningless to those who have hardened their hearts toward God, yet softened them to just about anything else. He said this, which struck me, "I would pray and say, 'Let me hear your voice, or let me hear silence.' And I would hear silence. 'Let me feel your warm, or let me feel nothing.' And I felt nothing."

 

At this point, I dropped my arguments and realized that this man was being sincere. Now, he's a great man, very respectful, high moral code, and an upstanding person whom I respect; however, that is the most absurd reason to lose faith. It is a philosophy and game-plan which is assuredly from the devil. We cannot build faith on our own terms, and as one schooled in religion he should have known God does not work that way, and never has, and never said he would.

 

We are on earth, walking by faith rather than by sight. We cannot see God, or least most of us are not privileged and I personally would be so shocked and fearful if I did, and would want the mountains to cover me in my flawed state. However, we can see him reaching out to us, one by one, individually, and in small and simple things. Perhaps a quote from a general authority or a small child hits you, or a scripture opens up in a new way, or maybe it's a small moment to yourself at the end of the day and you feel the love of God. Nonetheless, you can feel God reaching out to you.

 

Asking him to work contrary to His nature is absurd. Saying, while in Northern Michigan in January, "Let me feel the hot Mojave sun and I will believe" does not work, God never said it would work. God draws near to us as we draw near to him. He lets his goodness and mercy bring us to the depths of humility to cause us to repent. "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold, I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. And the Lord doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls" (Alma 37:6-7).

 

When we seek our conversion by little things, the Lord helps us grow in grace and our conversion runs deep into the root of our souls. The Jews wanted signs, wonders, mysteries, and the Lord "granteth unto men according to their desires" and what happened? "Wherefore, because of their blindness, which blindness came by looking beyond the mark, they must needs fall; for God hath taken away his plainness from them, and delivered unto them many things which they cannot understand, because they desired it. And because they desired it God hath done it, that they may stumble" (Jacob 4:14). Not to mention they did forget the miracles, as did many people in the time of the Savior. Those who were not fit for the kingdome of God because they put their hand to the plough and looked back (Luke 9:52).

 

Don't look beyond the mark. Don't seek great miracles or instantaneous conversion. God gives men line up line; so start at the bottom. Bridge the gaps in your testimony with faith and lean on the Lord. Be a fool. "Let no man deceieve himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness. And again the Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain" (1 Cor. 3:18-20). What a concept. Our uninspired, feeble attempts to figure out God's wonders are in vain. But, when we search the revealed word and do not lean on our own understanding, we see the bigger picture. "But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God" (2 Nephi 9:29).

 

I hope that man finds his way and we all do too. Those are my probably obvious thoughts on the matter. Same concept as Holland's latest talk I suppse. 

Letter #39 - May 5, 2013

Date: May 6. 2013

Subject: Structural collapse, Cultural gaps, and simple conclusions

 

Good (insert time of day) everyone. Checking in from Ludington, Michigan. I have been in my new area for a grand total of 13 days. Things are going fairly well and I'm having a good time. Some things have been happening which have been interesting.

 

First off, I got to Ludington and after my first Sunday, we found out there was some structural damage to the church. It appears to be leaning to the west. I think it just wants to go for a swim in Lake Michigan. The church building here is over 100 years old and it's an old baptist church that was renovated and made to look sort of LDS. It's a nice building I suppose. BUT, we are no longer allowed to use it for the next few months so we will be making a trip down to Hart, a city just south of here about 20 minutes.

 

I think there is the potential of some sort of gospel parable blossoming out of this building fiasco. I will endeavor to develop one.

 

Second, my companion keeps teaching me about mexican culture. It's pretty fun. We get along really well and have a lot of fun together. He constantly quotes Nacho Libre, which is funny. Not because I think the movie is funny, just because he loves it and it's sort of stereotypical. Oh, and I fell asleep to him singing "I'm Proud to Be an American" which I thought was ironic.

 

Third, I personally have been running into a lot of my own questions about things. But, I realized something about simplicity in the last two weeks. About 95% of the things we do are extremely simple. We do simple things. We just overcomplicate things. At the heart of every question, at the heart of every sin, at the heart of every single problem, or anything that we do, there is a purpose or a "why" as to why we do them. There is a base problem to each small issue and they all stem to something related to the gospel.

 

So my challenge is that we don't complicate things. I'm just out here trying to teach people the gospel of faith and repentance, but I get wrapped up in the small things: the planning sessions, companion exchanges, paperwork, commitments, etc. when in reality all of those things are just means to certain ends. 

 

To quote the great band Fireworks: "I stopped searching for the answers, I learned my lesson: life is just rhetorical question."  

 

I have about 3.5 months of my life to go. Then, I have to start real life or something. To those scragglers who have yet to develop a need to write me and desire to do so...

 

Elder Damon Chlarson

1400 Abbot Road Ste. 310

East Lansing, MI 48823

Letter #38 - April 22, 2013

Well, the time has come and passed, it's been about four months in Alpena and I'm taking off. I'm heading to Ludington, which is on the opposite coastline. It's on Lake Michigan and is a vacation town, so we'll see how that goes. I'm not sure if anybody knows about my love affair with lakes, oceans, rivers, boats, and anything having to do with water, but this last summer will be torture!

Yesterday was my last Sunday in Alpena. It was actually fairly sad. I have really had an interesting time in Alpena. It has been winter pretty much my entire time here. We've had a few spring-type days. It's been nuts! I'm excited for spring on Lake Michigan. Obviously it's going to be work and little-to-not play, but that's all good.

I have three transfer cycles left, 18 weeks, and/or about 4 months. I guess I'll just say what I have learned, because there isn't really too much that is new in my life.I have learned three MAJOR lessons over the last four months.

1) Take life one day at a time. When you take life one day at a time, you can accomplish tasks while not being overwhelmed. I'm not sure how many people are acquainted with my fun-loving temperament. BUT, that always came first in my life. I had a very "Why do today what I can do tomorrow?" mindset. That has been completely reversed. Don't get me wrong, I will probably always be a large 12 year old. I also learned that if you break up your tasks to daily lists, it's easy. No matter what happened that day, I knew I would be back in my bed with my mario bedsheets, dreaming of a warmer time.

2) The plan of our lives often, if not always, runs contrary to divine will. I wanted to spend my last 8 months in Lansing, or Kalamazoo, in a city or something. Life would be great. Lots of members, lots of people to teach, life would be so easy! But, that's not what was in the cards. I had four months of work. Menial, repetitive, and often unacknowledged work. I thank God that it was so.

3) With increased vision comes increased motivation. Elder Tad R. Callister said that in his talk in the priesthood session of conference and I realized that's what this whole time has been. When I look at the big picture of my life, my time here is vital. If I can handle winter in a quiet, content town, out in the cold knocking on doors, I can handle dang near anything.

I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Keep calm, you're in Northern Michigan!" So true.

I'm doing great. I hope people are making wise choices back home!

- Damon

Letter #37 - March 11, 2013

 

Well, another transfer in Michigan has come and passed. I'm over 18 months now, and I have four transfers left. It's crazy how quick, but slow it goes. The weather is nice, up to high 30's. Yes, that's nice weather. I will never complain about an Ephrata winter ever again.

 

Anyways, I've been pondering a lot of things. This week was very hard, so we are back to going out door knocking primarily. We lost most of the people we were working with, which happens at times. I guess Elder Holland was right when he said, "Why would it be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him?" So, it's all good. The mission tests you in every possible way, but it's all good.

 

I have a story to relate. After a really hard day on Friday, I was just sort of wondering how it got to this point. I went door knocking on Aqua View Circle in Alpena (A street which is condemned), and I think I met some of the rudest people in the world. It was crazy. They were fairly well off, nice cars and houses and such, but I was just appalled they would treat another human being like that. I was surprised that these people claimed to have a religious affiiliation. I was pretty sorry.

 

After knocking that street, I was livid. I was just about ready to blow a gasket. When that happens, you can be certain that it was influenced by a poor source. But, then Elder Walker, my companion (a greenie) said something that not only humbled me, but helped me stay at least somewhat positive. He said, "Even though everything just went terrible and those people were extremely, I got the most comforting feeling that we were doing exactly what we were supposed to and the Spirit was so strong." I guess I need to change my perspective.

 

Nonetheless, I will continue to work hard these last 5.5 months. I definitely miss my family and friends, and I'm so grateful for all the support. It's sort of weird, I remember I got a certain companion and he had four transfers left and I thought, "Oh man, he's done. He might as well pack up." That was partly because I was at 3 months, but now I feel like I've got all the time in the world. But, in the words of the great punk rock band, Fireworks "Out of 50 states, I only feel right in one." As much as I've come to love a lot of people here, I can't say I won't be excited to head back to Washington. If anybody wants to talk to me:

 

Elder Damon Chlarson

1400 Abbot Road Suite 310

East Lansing, MI 48823

 

I dedicate this to the wise. "Not many of the great and mighty, those who form and control the thoughts of the people today, are going to find salvation in the kingdom of God. Why? Because they have not found the way; they are not walking in the light of truth. They may have knowledge, but they lack intelligence." - Joseph Fielding Smith. 2 Nephi 9:30, and 2 Tim. 3:7.

 

Out,

 

Damon Chlarson

Letter #36 - February 4, 2013

Well, Damon Chlarson here. Still alive, still breathing, and still holding on. I survived my first transfer in Alpena. Now, I'm going to summarize a few things.

To be 100% completely honest, I probably couldn't have drug my feet anymore than when I got transferred here. I wasn't happy one bit. There was one glimmer of hope: it was temporary. I was in Grand Rapids, around great people whom I loved, and I loved the city and most importantly the ward. Then, I got the call. Alpena with a companion I wasn't too particularly excited for, to state it nicely. I was feeling a bit slighted. But, then I had a thought pop in my head, obviously of divine origins that spoke to me, "Seriously Damon, I have hooked you up with so much your entire life. I gave you six months in Grand Rapids with amazing people and amazing times. When you get home you will be blessed. So can you not help me for a few months in Alpena?" Point taken.

There's a talk by Elder D. Todd Christofferson called "As Many as I Love, I Chasten and Rebuke." He tells a story of Hugh B. Brown purchasing an old farm in Canada. There was a currant bush that wasn't growing quite right. In order to make it be a proper currant bush, he cut it back to let it try again. He said it was as though the bush was saying (I'm paraphrasing) "How could you do this to me? After I was doing so good and was moving forward, how could you cut me down?" Then he said, "Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here and I know what I want you to be. I didn't intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree, I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, litle currant bush, when you arel aden with fruit, you are going to say 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enuogh to cut me down.'" Years later, Hugh B. Brown almost had a promotion in the military he had worked so hard for and he was denied it because he was Mormon. He went home and threw his hat on his cot and was so angry. "How could you do this to me?" and suddenly he heard "Look, I am the gardener here..." and he immediately prayed for forgiveness. He was the currant bush.

Now I am the currant bush. The deck was slightly stacked against me, and the hand I was deal was one I wasn't too fond of, but I was blessed. This has been probably the best situation for me. It has forced me to change some things about myself I was holding on to, that needed to go. The progression has only started. The next 12 weeks will be amazing, I'm so excited for what's in store.

Anyway, transfers are this week. I'm getting a new comp. I don't know his name yet, I'll meet him on Thursday. I get to spend two days on campus at Michigan State University down in Lansing. I get to see civilization! Also, there's one of the only two Panda Express's there. I'm so extremely glad for that most of all! I haven't had it since the night before my mission.

I'm not really sure how I got here. I was reading the scriptures on Saturday night at around 1 am because I couldn't sleep, and I thought to myself, "What has happened to me?" I was so excited. I was reading 2 Nephi 9 and just thinking about how great it all is. I mean, that's a really good chapter and all, but I was overly excited to be studying. I really don't understand how this change happened. I mean, three years or so ago, I wouldn't even be considering sleep at 1 on a Saturday night, let alone reading the scriptures.

I mean granted, I am on a mission and that's sort of expected. Then I thought about things and how I used to be. I'm not sure if anyone is at all acquainted with my temperament and my disposition, but cynicism and sarcasm were probably two of my top attributes. I was a pretty negative kid. But, now I'm happy. I can't really explain details, but I can say that it truly is the Gospel. Why in the world would anyone not want to follow it? I was quite scared to leave my family, my friends, and my comfortable life. In the words of the Swellers, "It's not the friends you thought you had, or your location on a map. It's what you feel in here." The gospel improves what's in your heart. I'm done preaching.

Well, 17 months, 15 pounds, a few shades of white, and a couple more centimeters of a receding hairline later, I am doing great. "The road ahead brings a worn smile when I look back at the last mile. Break my bones, cut my feet, shake the ground 'til I quease. Bring on blisters, bugs, disease, there will be no more wasting time for me." (I still remember song lyrics)

Now, I'll go back and lace up my gloves for another 12 weeks in Alpena.

-Damon

Letter #35 - December 26th, 2012

Alright, well another week ish has gone by and I'm writing another blog.

I'm getting transferred to Alpena, MI. It's right on Lake Huron and way up northeast in MI. It will be mighty, mighty cold. I'm pretty nervous, to be honest. But, it will be, I think, the biggest opportunity for growth for me now as I ascend northward.

I've had so much fun in Grand Valley and this area. I have so little to complain about, truly. Life has been great here. I have had good companions, a great ward, and pretty sweet people to be around all together. I just think about my time here and I can't help but smile, so I'm very much grateful for the opportunity.

Anyway, I have been asking myself recently what my best moments of 2012 have been; what moments have just been so great. To be honest, I couldn't think of anything in particular. I sat there and thought about the spectacular things, baptisms, cool teaching visits, funny moments with companions, arguments with people, and being yelled at. Nothing was really popping out to me.

The only thing that stuck out to me were the people I have met. Maybe I should have figured that out like... 20 years back, but I didn't. All I could think about were the great times with people and all the things that have happened. I just realized the only thing that matters are the people you meet, help, and have the chance to love. I thought about my multiple companions of 2012, and I just sort of smiled. I have had some characters! In a good way. I've met a couple of my best friends as companions. I have been in some really great experiences with them, and some really bad ones too. I think about the fantastic people in Michigan I have met. Some people I have met have become so close I consider them family. It kills to be separated from them. (Being a missionary is this CRAZY paradox where you have to be so close to people spiritually, yet separate yourself emotionally and not become attached. It's very difficult)

So, as I begin to think of 2013, I am trying to figure out what I want my New Year's resolution to be. I make a new resolution weekly usually, but maybe I need to make a bigger one for the whole year of 2013. I think I just need to enjoy the people more. So, that's my goal I guess, to enjoy people? Is that necessary goal? I mean, it's not one that can be quantified by any means, but I guess I'll just be able to "know", I guess. I'm only going to be spending about 8 months of 2013 as a missionary. Then all the distractions are goingo re-enter my life. It's been an amazing 16 months. I guess I'm living a pretty good life.

I'm not really a huge fan of the cold, and the snow is cool before Christmas, and I have both waiting for me up there in Alpena. But, I'm going to make a good time with it. I have a lot of things to be worried about, but much like Heber C. Kimball, "Once I knew the mind and will of my Heavenly Father, all of these reasons didn't matter." (Somewhat paraphrasing)

Here goes nothing...

Letter #34 - December 17, 2012

So, this week will be a pretty good week. The snow is supposed to be falling. The grace of God has given me a pretty easy winter thus far. I'm not complaining.

 

I get to go on trade-offs with former-companion. I'm really excited. It'll be our last sleepover until we're roomies back at college. Should be a pretty fun time, as it always is. Are we the only ones that call exchanges sleepovers? Only this time, I don't have to ask my Mom if I can or not.

 

I'm finished with a project I've been working on. I've been summarizing every chapter of the New Testament (using "Jesus the Christ" and a couple other study sources) and I am basically done. I have to finish up a couple things on the Book of Revelation (I understand about 5% of that book) and then I'll be done. It's taken me over three months and about 100 pages of notebook paper. Now that I've picked it apart, I can just get back to reading it and taking a few notes here and there. This is what I did to the Book of Mormon the first time. I have to do it to the Doctrine and Covenants here pretty quickly.

 

Yesterday during church, I was thinking about why missions are so great. I was thinking about how mine has affected me and the decisions I will be making in the near future and the far future. I realized something... This is probably the only time in my life I'll be able to relate to Peter or Paul. This is the only time I can empathize with Alma the Younger when he wishes he were a better missionary, which he records in Alma 29. After this, I will be an average guy, sharing the gospel as I can, but I won't be "suiting up" on a daily basis. Instead, of "pressing forward with a perfect  brightness of hope" in terms of the people I teach, I'll be pushing on in school.

 

Anybody who's on the fence about going and may read this. You should go. Simple as that. There will be a lot of reasons not to go, but there will be a few VERY important reasons to go.

 

That's my wisdom.

 

Damon Chlarson