I aged a year this week. My hairline is receding. It's been crazy. Everything seemed normal for the most part and it was pretty fun. I was just having fun like I try to and then doing work, but then I snapped. To make a short story long...
Even though I have been medicated for a mood disorder, things didn't go well. For some reason, the same things I have been treated for have come back. So, I started thinking too much and decided that I should come home. So, I called the mission president and my parents, and I was pretty sure that's what I was going to do. But, something pulled me back and I didn't go. I decided that I'm going to stay.
Then, like three hours later, I was so confounded that I even considered going home. I laughed at the thought of going home early and just kept doing what we do. The next day was all good, no real problems at all. But then, during sacrament I got up and walked around outside and decided I should go home. I was pretty sure that's what I should do: go home, get treatment, come back when I'm feeling better. But, for some reason I didn't. Actually, Big Al gave me some really good advice. So, I'm definitely staying. But, I'm going to be seeing a psychiatrist at the University of Michigan and we're going to work it all out.
I can't give up. I can't even believe I considered it, to be honest. In the words of the Wonder Years, "Expect me standing tall, back against the wall, because what I learned was: it's not about forcing happiness, it's about not letting sadness win." So, I refuse to go that route. I've come too far to give up this early or at all. It doesn't matter what happens really, because all will be well in the end. Now, I'm ready to do what I planned on doing. Doing my job, and having fun. Everything is alright.
- Damon.
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