The Final Blog - August 25, 2013

Obviously at the end of any journey, you spend a lot of time reflecting. I'm naturally a very introspective (self-consumed) person anyway, so I've been relishing in the past for the past few weeks. From Coldwater to Ludington. 

 

It honestly feels like it wasn't too long ago I was waking up August 30th, 2011 and thinking, "What am I about to do?" I had no idea what to expect. I thought about all the events leading up to the missionary training center. I thought about the plane ride to Michigan. I thought about getting my trainer. My first area. I'll never forget riding bikes in Coldwater, singing Killers' songs to myself as I pretended to be somewhere else, doing something else. 

 

But, I did it. I'm almost an inch taller. I'm coming home the same weight. My hairline is a bit more receded though, and my skin isn't nearly as nice, and I'm pretty exhausted. I just want to sleep in my own bed. But, I did it. After all the door knocking, the snow, the no-show appointments, days with no mail, self-doubt, lonely late nights, people not returning our calls, and constant asking myself "What am I even doing?" But, I did it. 

 

Now, I'm not sure what people are expecting. I'm probably just psyching myself out, but I hope nobody expects a general authority. I'm not mature at all. I'm probably more child-like than when I left. Why? Because now, the pretenses of being sophisticated, wise, and grown-up are gone. Those were just acts. The cynicism and sarcasm aren't nearly as strong. I actually enjoy people now. But I assure the world, I haven't changed a bit. I've improved, I have grown, but if anything, I've stripped a lot of the artificiality out of myself, and I'm myself. I think. I'm trying not to worry about it.

 

I thank God that I have done what I did. Granted, were it not for Him, and a power greater than I possess, I would have had no chance. Missions are two years for a reason. If I had a choice to go again, I would. Maybe not right now. But, I wouldn't change it. I'm glad things have ended the way they have. I now know that God truly has a plan and he is in the details of our lives. I'm so grateful for this experience and I exhort (yes, exhort. I've been reading too many scriptures) every young man to serve.

 

But now as George Bluth says, "It's time for me to mosey on." I will soon be home with my biological family. But I will never forget all the family I have accumulated in this little Mitten state.

 

"And it came to pass that we did pitch our tents by the seashore; and notwithstanding we had suffered many afflictions and much difficulty, yea, even so much that we cannot write them all, we were exceedingly rejoiced when we came to the seashore..." (1 Nephi 17:6). 

 

It's time for me to get to the seashore.

Letter #45 - August 12, 2013

Well, this was a pretty good week for the most part. I've had a few interesting events occur. Well really only one.

I baptized a man in Lake Michigan. It was fulfillment of prophecy by day one of the mission Elder Chlarson staring at the lake as I flew to Detroit. Alas, Bill came up to me and said he wanted to be baptized. The stars had to align to make this happen. I had to A) be transferred to Lake Michigan's coastline, B) have somebody who wanted to be baptized, and C) have him want me to do it in the Lake. Things were not looking promising for a while, but things worked out.

Lake Michigan's cold water reminded me of many days out in Billy Clapp Lake. Many memories of the homeboys came to mind. I'll be there shortly.

Damon

Letter #44 - July 29, 2013

I'm going to update a little on the last couple weeks. Things have been relatively calm and quiet. This update may get a little graphic. 

I have a couple catch phrases I say quite often when things go wrong. The first is, "Something happened..." and then "I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway." Well, I had a couple of those experiences.

Last Friday, the 19th I believe, I was sitting at my desk and cutting up this marker cap. I was just bored and cutting stuff for fun, regular people stuff. Well, my hande slipped and got the top of my finger, right above the top knuckle before the nail. I cut it pretty deep to. "Oh no..." It was pretty cool to look at. We pulled the skin flap back and it looked like a mouth throwing up blood. Now, that was a little crude, and I apologize, but you have to get the idea.

Well, we went out and it was about seven hours later and it bled through about four band aids. So, we went to the hospital. Since I waited so long they could stitch, so they super glued it. Well, that didn't work so I've still got a pretty gnarly cut on my finger that's waiting to heal. It was pretty fun though. 

Yesterday during church we had a member of the seventy there and there was a mix-up on who was supposed to speak so as I was passing the sacrament, I was motioned out into the hallway. I was asked to speak by the missionary who was supposed to speak. So, we finished the sacrament and about thirty seconds later I was up at the pulpit to speak. 

I spoke on the Book of Mormon and the Holy Ghost's converting effect, Joseph Smith's mission in revealing Christ, additional scripture, and our premortal life's effect on our probationary estate. Now, given the circumstances, I think things went pretty well. Then the seventy got up and told stories about the Twelve. I can't compete with that! 

I have four weeks left and I'm nervous and excited. I have a lot of reasons to be excited but there's a lot of uncertainty. I've almost forgotten what home is like. I've heard stories but I guess I will have to experience it for myself. I will definitely miss Michigan, but I will settle back into my element and strive to be contented.

Letter #43 - July 15, 2013

Well, it's been about a month or so. A lot has and hasn't happen. You never really know how fast time goes until it goes, then it goes and you wonder where it went. Then you wonder where you've been while it went where it went. Then you realize time is an illusion and it hasn't gone anywhere, nor has it been anywhere, not has it the potential of going anywhere. DOES ANYBODY WANT TO CONTINUE READING?!

This is week one of my last transfer cycle (a six week period for those of you unfamiliar with this subculture of boys dividing their time in transfers and driving around in vans and walking around in white shirts). I'm staying in Ludington. Pretty excited. There are some of my favorite people here. I can't believe. Once I thought to myself, "I'll be in my last transfer someday." But, I never really thought it would happen.

Anyway, I have had a lot of interesting ideas/thoughts/things on my mind the last few days. Here are a few of them.

1. Progress is more easily lost than it is gained. So quickly we can slip back if we don't watch ourselves. I realized that while reading over journal entries.

2. Needing biblical evidence of all things regarding the Restored Gospel is no different than seeking a sign. After finding evidence, it's easy to chalk it up to a misinterpretation or looking beyond the mark. 

3. Do not over-complicate life. It's really fairly simple. 

4. I love the Killers. We were walking by a store and I heard like 5 seconds of them and knew it was "Read My Mind" and I about cried. Music awaits me. 

5. It's much easier to be negative than positive. Negativity is like peeing in a pool. Sure, you can get along with it, but you definitely don't want to be in it too long. Nobody likes pee in a pool. (I just wanted to use a peeing in the pool analogy)

A man I've worked with for about three months came up to me after church yesterday and said he wanted to be baptized before I go home. Now, I have a mission to accomplish before I head home. Things happen for a reason.

Letter #42 - June 17, 2013

Well, this has been an interesting week.

I went on a trade-off with an elder, and we got into a deep conversation about missions and the changes that occur. He was really going through quite the identity crisis. He was concerned that we wasn't changing enough, yet he thought he had changed too much, yet he was afraid he wasn't making the necessary strides to improve. He had it bad. I was half-expecting him to spontaneously get a mohawk and motorcycle. (Stupid joke)

This made me reflect on my last 22 months and the path I took. I then came to the semi-arrogant and very self-assured conclusion that I love myself. I know that may sound bad, but hear me out. I was stressed and stressed (ask my trainer) about changing too much or not at all. I was so freaked out that I would become a drone and I'd get home and be rude and judgmental and everybody would hate me. I really had developed quite a complex.

But, over the course of these last 22, I just sort of changed but didn't. It's impossible to describe, you just have to experience. I have a new take on life, a fresh view about God, myself, and the world, but at the same time, I'm just a little kid still. I'm a completely different person, but I've never been more myself. Throughout high school and into college I was masking myself with some persona that overtook me. Now, I'm just me. No pretenses and I can just be me. 

I assured this young elder that when he was 22 months out, he'd be completely satisfied with who he had become. If you do it right, these two years can benefit your life. You just have to let the change come to you, and you have to be you. It's that simple. Life goes the same way. There's a difference between improving and changing. We should all strive to better ourselves, but we should also never leave ourselves behind.

I turned 21 years old. It was sweet. We had a couple dinners with some awesome people. Ludington has some of my favorite people ever invented. One of the best birthdays I have had. It's not where you are, it's who you're with I suppose. 

I met Elder Christofferson yesterday. His talks have changed my life, particularly "Brethen, We have Work to Do" and "Let Us Be Men." I wanted to say thanks but he shook my hand and all I could do was smile. He spoke to us in Grand Rapids. He had a light shining that I seldom see in people. He is definitely called of God.

That is all,

Damon Chlarson

Letter #41 - June 2, 2013

Subject: Bathroom Revelations

I have had two interesting thoughts in the bathroom (stay with me and get your mind out of the gutter!) in the last weekend. 

First, this morning, I was cleaning up for my new companion and I realized this: I am so sick of living with dudes. I am done with it. As opposed to wanting to "bro out" forever, I don't know how much longer I can clean up after another male.

Second, it came while I was shaving. So, I went to shave and I grabbed my razor. Now, I had been procrastinating buying new razor heads for a while but I thought, hey, what can go wrong? One extra day can't hurt, can it? Well guess what? It did hurt. So, I grabbed the razor, which looked fine on the outside, and commenced shaving.

As I was shaving, it was fine on my cheek, but as it got to my upper lip it began to hurt, and by the time it touched my chin I was in pain! It was pulling, it was tearing, it was outright unpleasant. But, I roughed it out like I had to. Afterward, my face was in pain. I stuck it in the freezer, hoping, praying that perhaps relief would come. However, it did not. It was not until I found some lotion that did the trick. Thanks, Dove. 

I decided that I could not wait another day. We went to Meijer (a Michigan store that's kind of like WalMart but way better) and I looked at the options. I had been using the Fusion Power forever, but I recently had made the change to Schick Hydro 5. It worked well. So, I decided to go with the Hydro 5 heads. 

The next morning came, and I went back to square one. What do you know? It felt amazing! Everything just went well. Not only did it work better, but it felt better. I felt the love from the razor, and it could tell I loved it. 

Now, where am I going with all of this? Stay with me. Now, when I made sure the razor was sharp it cut more effectively. When I made sure that the razor had enough of that little gooey stuff on the edge (I don't know what it's called) it felt better. So here we have it, the razor worked better and felt better. Why wouldn't I always have it be that way?

LAZINESS! That's why! Procrastination! It's just like us in our lives. When we begin to be lazy, putting off prayer, slacking on scriptures, and be coming lukewarm, we lose effectiveness. We aren't as useful as we could be. We, essentially, are all like razors. We need to make sure our razor heads are sharp, meaning that we need to make sure we are praying, reading the scriptures, and attending church to partake of the sacrament. Our razor heads need to be changed often, that means repentance, that means communion with God, and deep, often painful introspection.

Don't be a dull razor. 

Maybe that was a stupid parable, but I enjoyed it when I thought of it. 

Anyways, I get a new companion tomorrow. Probably my last one. I have 12 weeks left. Sweet. 

Love,

Damon

Letter #40 - May 13, 2013

This is an essay I wrote last night when I could not sleep, entitled "By Faith Rather Than by Sight." Enjoy. It may be a bit long.

 

Earthly probations require us to be separated from our Father. We are natives of a noble, exalted sphere where we experienced the warmth of God's presence filling out spirits. Consequently, man is innately spiritual. However, in our mortal state we are carnal and put off the spiritual man inside. We desire tangible proof instead of faith. But, that is not to be so.

 

I met a man who lost his belief in God due to doubts and, as I have perceived, prayers unanswered and signals and signs not receieved or recognized. He brought our entire conversation back to philosophical ideas which, when simplified, made me look foolish and childish in my faith, as if I was grasping at straws in vain. It eventually boiled down to him, in less words, saying "Well, if it makes you feel good..."

 

This troubled me all day. You cannot convey gospel blessings, messages, and truth without using the terminology "I feel" or "intuitively, I know." These communications which, as they say, apply to our pathos only are meaningless to those who have hardened their hearts toward God, yet softened them to just about anything else. He said this, which struck me, "I would pray and say, 'Let me hear your voice, or let me hear silence.' And I would hear silence. 'Let me feel your warm, or let me feel nothing.' And I felt nothing."

 

At this point, I dropped my arguments and realized that this man was being sincere. Now, he's a great man, very respectful, high moral code, and an upstanding person whom I respect; however, that is the most absurd reason to lose faith. It is a philosophy and game-plan which is assuredly from the devil. We cannot build faith on our own terms, and as one schooled in religion he should have known God does not work that way, and never has, and never said he would.

 

We are on earth, walking by faith rather than by sight. We cannot see God, or least most of us are not privileged and I personally would be so shocked and fearful if I did, and would want the mountains to cover me in my flawed state. However, we can see him reaching out to us, one by one, individually, and in small and simple things. Perhaps a quote from a general authority or a small child hits you, or a scripture opens up in a new way, or maybe it's a small moment to yourself at the end of the day and you feel the love of God. Nonetheless, you can feel God reaching out to you.

 

Asking him to work contrary to His nature is absurd. Saying, while in Northern Michigan in January, "Let me feel the hot Mojave sun and I will believe" does not work, God never said it would work. God draws near to us as we draw near to him. He lets his goodness and mercy bring us to the depths of humility to cause us to repent. "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold, I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. And the Lord doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls" (Alma 37:6-7).

 

When we seek our conversion by little things, the Lord helps us grow in grace and our conversion runs deep into the root of our souls. The Jews wanted signs, wonders, mysteries, and the Lord "granteth unto men according to their desires" and what happened? "Wherefore, because of their blindness, which blindness came by looking beyond the mark, they must needs fall; for God hath taken away his plainness from them, and delivered unto them many things which they cannot understand, because they desired it. And because they desired it God hath done it, that they may stumble" (Jacob 4:14). Not to mention they did forget the miracles, as did many people in the time of the Savior. Those who were not fit for the kingdome of God because they put their hand to the plough and looked back (Luke 9:52).

 

Don't look beyond the mark. Don't seek great miracles or instantaneous conversion. God gives men line up line; so start at the bottom. Bridge the gaps in your testimony with faith and lean on the Lord. Be a fool. "Let no man deceieve himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness. And again the Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain" (1 Cor. 3:18-20). What a concept. Our uninspired, feeble attempts to figure out God's wonders are in vain. But, when we search the revealed word and do not lean on our own understanding, we see the bigger picture. "But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God" (2 Nephi 9:29).

 

I hope that man finds his way and we all do too. Those are my probably obvious thoughts on the matter. Same concept as Holland's latest talk I suppse.